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Proverbs 31:10-31
Introduction
In her book, The Significant Woman, Donna Morley talks about an issue of the Ladies Home Journal back in 1999. As some of you can imagine, I am not a frequent read of the Journal. However, the issue in question was interesting. It featured an article about who they considered “100 Most Important Women of the 20th Century.”
Among those listed were some you’d expect – Mother Teresa and Helen Keller. But a surprise entry was Margaret Sanger (1879-1966). Morley writes:
Sanger first found notoriety when she wrote and published the magazine The Woman Rebel. . . With the slogan “No Gods! No Masters!” emblazoned on this magazine, Sanger advertised her eight-page publication as “a paper of militant thought.” The first issue denounced marriage as a “degenerate institution,” capitalism as “indecent exploitation,” and sexual modesty as “obscene prudery.” An article titled “A Woman’s Duty” proclaimed that rebel women were to “look the whole world in the face with a go-to-hell look in the eyes.” In another article she said that rebel women claim the following rights: the right to be lazy, the right to be an unmarried mother, the right to destroy . . . and the right to love. In later issues she wrote on sexual liberation and defended political assassinations.
Though Sanger married and became the mother of three, as time went on, she advocated free love. She eventually left her husband to follow this philosophy. It was at this time that The Woman Rebel got the attention of the postal service. Sanger was indicted on three counts for the publication of lewd and indecent articles in violation of the federal Comstock Laws, which were passed in 1873 to keep “obscene and lascivious” material from traveling through the postal system.
If convicted, Sanger could have gotten five years in jail. Rather than face prison, she fled to England where she lived as a fugitive. In later years, desiring to return to the U.S., she pulled off a cunning public relations campaign that forced authorities to drop all charges against her. Once back in the U.S., Sanger remarried and assured her lovers that her “marriage would make little or no difference in her life—apart from the convenience of money, of course.”
While continuing on with her free sex, Margaret became closely associated with the scientists and theorists who put together Nazi Germany’s “race purification” program. She had openly endorsed the euthanasia, sterilization, abortion, and infanticide programs of the early Reich. She published a number of articles in her new magazine, The Birth Control Review, that mirrored Hitler’s Aryan-White Supremacist rhetoric. She even commissioned Dr. Ernst Rudin, the director of the Nazi Medical Experimentation program, to write for The Review himself. It was Nazi ideology that influenced Sanger to found the Planned Parenthood Federation of America in 1941. The same woman who gave us Planned Parenthood wrote the book The Pivot of Civilization, where she calls for the elimination of “human weeds,” for the cessation of charity, for the segregation of “morons, misfits, and the maladjusted,” and for the sterilization of “genetically inferior races.”
The fact that she would make a list called “The 20 Most Important Women of the 20th Century” is, quite frankly, disturbing.
So, if that is the kind of woman our society holds up as a model for women, what kind of woman does the Bible hold up as a model? Who does God point to as an important woman? Who does God say is a model of women today? The answer is found in Proverbs 31, where we see the excellent wife.
If you want to see this model is fleshed out, read the book of Ruth. Ruth is called ‘excellent’ (same word) and the Hebrews put the book of Ruth right after Proverbs.
1. The Excellence of Her Value
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” The word ‘excellent’ is translated in a variety of ways – virtuous, capable, noble character, perfect. The word actually has military overtones denoting strength and power as virtuous character qualities. Thus in every way, the one being described is an excellent wife. She is one who wise navigate the warlike struggles of life and comes though as the victor.
Nevertheless, the question is posed – who can find such a woman? The question is a good one and should still be asked today. I can remember sitting in a Sunday School class in college. The teacher asked about the kind of woman we should marry. I immediately turned to this passage and read it to the class. When I was done, another girl in the class responded by saying, ‘good luck finding that kind of wife!’ Here, we are told that such a woman is so precious and yet hard to come by, that her value cannot even be compared to the worth of jewels.
In fact, Lemuel goes to great lengths to show the incredible value of an excellent wife. This poem of sorts is constructed of a series of 22 proverbs statements. Each statement begins with a different letter of the Hebrew alphabet. So, for example, if we were going to do something similar today, We might start with …
This was actually common in Hebrew literature. The most famous examples in the Bible are found in Psalm 119 and Lamentations 1-4. Such acrostics accomplished a number of purposes.
First, they were an artistic labor to demonstrate the importance and beauty or pathos of the topic.
Thus, Lemuel has not only gone to great lengths to not only tell us how valuable such an excellent woman is, but the very style of his composition reinforces the beauty and worth of the one being written about.
2. The Excellence of Her Relationships
A. Her husband (31:11-12, 23)
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (31:11-12). This excellent woman is first described by the way her husband sees her. Specifically, we are told his hearts trusts in her.
Today, we often use our heart as a symbol of our emotions. But in the biblical world, the heart is much different. The heart stands for one’s core personality. All that makes that person who they are is signified in their heart. Thus, the entirety of the husband’s life finds trust in his wife. He trust her to the point of making himself vulnerable, depending on her to follow through taking care of him and the household.
How is he repaid for such trusts? “he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (31:11-12). In every other instance in the Old Testament, the word we have as ‘gain’ here, is translated as plunder – the spoil gained from warfare. The image is a striking one. Remember wisdom literature is about teaching us to live wisely in God’s world. And here the excellent woman is pictured as a warrior in such a world. She embodies wisdom,
and so comes out of the battles of life with trophies of war, allowing her family to thrive in conflict.
Thus, the Lemuel can say “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Charles Bridges reminds us how rare this is –
Consider Eve, the first helpmeet, who also became the first tempter;
Consider Solomon’s many wives, who though gave him pleasure, drew his heart away from God;
Consider Job’s wife who – in the midst of suffering – told her husband to curse God and die;
Consider Rebekah who cared for her husband, yet deceived him by helping Jacob steal Esau’s blessing.
Consider Rachel who loved Jacob, yet brought idolatry into his house;
Consider Michal preserving David’s life, yet later despising him as the servant of God.
How very easy it is for a wife to do both good and harm to a husband. But how rare to do only good? And yet that is the characteristics of the excellent wife.
Such is the good of the excellent wife that, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (31:23). Her husband can be an elder – a leader in the community – because of the support of his wife. She takes care of him and household, so that he may work for the good of the community. Furthermore, such is her own reputation that is actually elevates the reputation of her husband. Thus, the modern proverb is true that ‘behind every great man is a great women.’
Lemuel says it is difficult to find a wife who does only good for her husband. Yet, this is the kind of woman you are to strive to be, ladies; this is the kind of woman we raise our daughters to be; this is the kind of woman we encourage our sons to seek after.
B. Her family (31:21-22, 27-29)
Verses 21-22 say “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple” (31:21-22).
Snow was not a frequent occurrence in Israel, though in the central hill country it did happen occasionally.
How many of you know people who never prepare for worst. Instead, they play the odds and invest other places. Though they can afford it, some people never buy insurance, others never put up smoke detectors in the home. But then they are terrified and have no idea what to do when they are in a car accident, or get caner, or there is a fire in their home. Not so with the Proverbs 31 woman. Though the snow was infrequent, she was prepared. She has clothes of scarlet – warm clothes – ready for her family.
But she is not just prepared for the infrequent needs, she is concerned to provide for the everyday needs of her family. Because of her diligence, which we will see later, the excellent wife “makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.” She wants to provide the best she can for her family. It doesn’t mean she lives beyond her means, or that she somehow spoils her family. Rather, the emphasis is on the fact that she doesn’t go cheap when it comes to providing for them.
She can do this because, “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” (31:27). It came as a great shock in my life – and honestly, something of a disillusionment to me – when I found out that some of the laziest people in the world are students preparing for ministry. In my way of thinking, they should be some of the hardest working. But such is not the case.
Do not misunderstand what I am saying. I am not saying that if you walked onto the campus of Southern Seminary, all you would find is a bunch of sluggards sitting around watching the grass grow. What I am saying is, the percentage of students who were lazy in their studies surprised me. What was the result? What was the bread they were forced to eat because of their laziness?
Bad grades, a shallow walk with God, and ineffective ministries.
Lemeul says, the excellent wife is never forced to eat the bread of laziness – a wrecked home, bad children, an unhappy husband may exist, but it is not because of her laziness. Rather, like a watchman on the tower, she looks well after her household.
The result of such care is that, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all’” (31:28-29). Those who are closest her and benefit the most from her care, are the one who give her the most sincere and lasting praise. Her husband specifically says, ‘Yeah, there are other women like you – excellent women who serve their families well, but you stand far above them all.’
Ralph Crandon put it well, when at the end of almost every episode of the Honeymooners, he would say to [wife]: “Baby, you’re the greatest!”
C. Her neighbors (31:20)
It is amazing that given the level of care for her family she has anything left. And yet, amazingly, we then read verse 20 – “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” (31:20). Previous to this chapter, the book of Proverbs has spoken of the wisdom of being generous to the poor.
But more than that, in this age of biblical history, One who “reaches out her hand to the needy” fulfills Christ command to ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ (Matt 22:39). Thus, in every human relationship, the excellent woman shows wisdom, love, and selflessness in meeting the needs of herself and others.
3. The Excellence of Her Work
Last week we talked about people who try to use the Bible to say women should not work outside the home. To that I will simply say, ‘they have never read Proverbs 31.’
To begin with we are told, “She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” (31:17). She is not a weakling, nor is she so girly that she is afraid to work. Whether or nor this is her natural disposition is beside the point. He prepares herself for the work.
The kind of work she involves a several things. First, “She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands” (31:13). The woman is not stuck at home, But goes out into the public square and the market to obtain what she needs to make clothes. Then, once she has the material she needs, “She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle” (31:19). She begins working hard at actually making the clothes. In all of this, she displays an incredible sense of domestic industry.
She sees herself working at the service for her family, but she is not just making clothes for her family. Verse 18 – “She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.” She stays up late preparing to sell her works. Verse 24 makes this explicit. “She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant” (31:24).
More than just making things for her family and to sell in the market, She also “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard” (31:16). Here, the excellent wife is seen engaged in the purchase of real estate. Notice she is the one who goes out to inspect the field, she is the one who decided whether or not it is worth purchasing, and she is the one who eventually works the field, turning it into a vineyard. Presumably, this is again both a way to provide for her family, and engage in business.
The result of all this hard work is that, “[the woman becomes] like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar” (31:14). The trade ships of the day both bought and sold. They set out from one port to deliver needed goods, there picking up more goods to be sold at the home port. Thus, the woman leaves the home port of her household, to sell her products in the market place, where she would then use the money to buy food for her family.
After a day of selling and buying, bartering and haggling for the best prices, preparing food for her family, staying up late doing more work, she would then rise early in the morning to provide for her entire household. Verse 15 says, “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens” (31:15). Again, we see the truth in a modern proverb – “the early bird gets the worm”
The point, of course, in all of this is that the Bible is not advocating the kind of family-neglecting, corporate power-broker as a viable job option for women. Even as we have already seen this morning, the wife and mother’s family is to be the priority. And here we see that all of her hard work is ultimately for her family.
For such loving dedication Lemuel sagely observes, “Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (31:31).
4. The Excellence of Her Character
As we think about all that this passage has offered, it could be very easy to fall into the performance trap – feeling like your worth lies in your ability meet everyone’s expectations.
But, here at the end, we have the real key to seeing all of this accomplished. The foundation – the platform – from which such a life is built and launched and does not fail comes in living in light of the fear of the Lord.
In verse 30 we are told, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (31:30). Isn’t it amazing how much money is spent on cosmetics in this country? The amount of money on elective surgeries? I’m not saying that – nor do I think the Bible is saying – that women should not take care of them selves, and desire to look presentable.
But when the pursuit of external beauty is such that one’s confidence and desirability rests solely in there is a problem.
These things do not change over time. This is why the teacher here says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain.” But what cannot be faked, what will not fade with time, is the character given by a fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord is simply that reverential sense of awe that leads to a love for, a faith in, and an obedience to the Lord. That is the measure of true worth in any person – man or woman – and when it’s found, that is what is worthy to be praised.
Ladies when you have a deep fear of the Lord, then like this woman, “Strength and dignity [will be your] clothing, and [you will be able to] laugh at the time to come” (31:25). Fearing the Lord means you won’t fear anything else. That includes having anxiety for the future. This doesn’t mean the woman is naïve. It means she prepares for the future, and then trusts the Lord and his wisdom and providential care for her life.
Furthermore, having a fear of the Lord means that, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (31:26). Elsewhere in Proverbs we are told that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Thus it is no surprise that wise teaching comes from her lips. But I also think that her lack of fear and her words are related. Have you ever met someone like this before? Aren’t they the ones you want advice from? If someone is nervous and anxious about what is to come, I can not relying on them much at all.
And so, here again we see that the pursuit of godliness – the pursuit of excellence in all areas of life. The excellent life that comes from a fear of the Lord, doesn’t just benefit you ladies, but those around – family, friends, associates – who can benefit from your kind and wise advice.
Conclusion
This is the model presented to us as an excellent woman.
